Listening

St. Francis was known for telling his friars not to preach unless they had received the proper permission to do so. He would say “Let all the brothers, however, preach by their deeds.” From this rule of his sprang the catchy phrase “Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.” We can all learn a lot from this wise phrase. Or as it says in Proverbs “He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)

We can help others come closer to God and come to a better understanding of the truth by the way we communicate with them. Good listening and good communication skills benefit all of the people in our life. No one has ever experienced a negative side effect from saying less while listening more. If we want to be wise stewards of our words, we need to use them sparingly and speak strategically. We need to pray for a gift of tongues in order to be understood by those around us. But there is a reason God gave us two ears and only one mouth.

With all those we communicate with during the day we need to allow Jesus to speak through us. Jesus is someone who always listens with an open heart. On the road to Emmaus (Luke 24: 13‐35) Jesus actively listened to those in need. Only after listening to their concerns did he explain the scripture to them. “Were not our hearts burning while he spoke to us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?” Listening is a master skill, it is a fine art.

By developing a prayer life and listening to Jesus we can learn to love like God wants us to love. Jesus taught us that the most important commandment is to love. Through listening carefully we show the other that they are loved. We must think carefully before speaking, writing, tweeting, blogging, etc. We’re not called to attack others. God says they’ll know we are Christians by our love. We need to speak the truth in love. Attacking an individual is never speaking the truth in love. Only through listening carefully to understand the other can we truly love. As Paul said “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” (1 Cor. 13:1)

Everybody has a story and there is always a story behind their story. People need a chance to talk out what has happened to them in life in order for them to come to a better understanding of God and His mercy. Making the choice to actually listen to people, to know them, gives us much more insight into how better to show them the love of Christ and best present His truth. Our snap judgements do a world of harm to those thirsting for the living water of hope that is Christ. In our efforts to present the truth, people will be more willing to listen to us if they can trust us and by truly listening to them we can develop that trust.

Listening makes others feel worthy, appreciated, interesting, and respected. Ordinary conversations emerge on a deeper level, as do our relationships, when we listen. When we listen, we foster the skill in others by acting as a model for positive and effective communication.

In our relationships, greater communication brings greater intimacy. Parents listening to their children helps build their self-esteem. Listening saves time and money in the business world, by preventing misunderstandings. We always learn more when we listen than when we talk. Listening skills fuel our social, emotional and professional success.

Listening is a precious gift. The gift of time is something we all miss out on these days. Nearly every aspect of human life could be improved by better listening. It helps build relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy. At home, it helps develop resourceful, self-reliant kids who can solve their own problems. Listening builds friendships and listening builds marriages.

In order to listen we must remember to pray for an increase in the gift of Understanding, a gift of the Holy Spirit. Understanding allows us to get to the very core of revealed truths. The best way to gain someone’s trust is to listen. In order to truly listen we need to trust in the inner workings of God.





Of course the technology of today has erected new barriers to listening. Face-to-face meetings and telephone conversations are being replaced by email and social media. Listening is a skill to be acquired, and a gift to be shared. We need to listen lovingly in order to build relationship and enhance intimacy. Listening creates an environment where the speaker feels heard and understood, and can find greater clarity and understanding.

Listening skills need to be developed and that takes time and effort. To start off we need to put the focus of your attention totally on the speaker. In order to do this we need to set aside our own agendas. We need to focus on looking at them and making eye contact. We need to mentally screen out distractions and not be distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or biases. A quality conversation is one in which the other person is the centre of attention. When we are listening we must never interrupt or impose our own solutions. We must wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions and to ensure understanding of something that has been said. But we must be careful to avoid questions that disrupt the speaker's train of thought.

The best type of questions when we are trying to listen are open-ended questions such as “How did that make you feel? What did you like about it? How important is this to you? Tell me what you mean by that?” This allows the person to continue talking but also shows we are interested.

When dealing with difficult people if we spend more time listening than speaking the person will become less difficult. When in doubt about whether to listen or speak it is always best to just keep listening. A big mistake is to get into a competition with the other. It is important to avoid dropping the “Story-Topping” bomb. Just be patient and listen in order to develop the relationship and take it to a higher level. But of course we have to be willing to sacrifice our own needs in order to do that.

It takes a lot of prayer, love for the other person, self-forgetfulness, concentration and determination to be an active listener and good communicator . We need to become comfortable with silence if we want to help others through our listening. We need to be deliberate with our listening and remind ourselves frequently that our goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Through listening we can learn a lot about the other person's attitudes and we can give the other person enjoyment.

As James said “ Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James1:19). In times of trouble a sympathetic ear is more valuable to most people than anything that can be said to them. Thank you for listening to me today.

Parents Will Save The World

We get so worried these days about the state of the modern family and wonder how the concept of the Catholic Family is going to survive with all the threats in our society against it. We need to remember our past and learn from our history it will survive as long as parents do their part.

In the 1540's St. Francis Xavier and the Jesuits were missionaries in Nagasaki Japan and were responsible for over 100,000 converts. But by 1587 Christianity was repressed in Japan as a threat to national unity and ceased to exist publicy and had to go underground.

By 1610, 1 out of 6 Japanese were Catholic. But in 1611 and 1613 the priests were expelled and thousands of Catholics were put to death. When the priests left Japan though they told the people to keep the faith and pass it on to your children, and eventually they would return.

After 250 years, 10 generations, when Japan was open up to the west again, the priests did return. The priests would walk through the streets, dressed very conspicuously with the hope of finding some remaining Catholics. Eventually a group of the faithful approached the priests and asked them some questions their parents had taught them on how to know a priest. They had to figure out if they were celibate, if they loved the mother of God and if they loved the Holy Man in Rome.

The priests soon discovered that there were 30,000 Catholics remaining in Japan after the 250 years. With only 2 sacraments, Baptism and Marriage, and in spite of great persecution, the parents had been able to pass on the faith to their children and keep the Church alive in Japan. The Church survived because of the parents.

Family life is the primary training ground for Catholics. With the concept of family rapidly changing in our society (redefinition of marriage in law, same sex marriage, cohabitation, casual sex, easy no-fault divorce), along with individualism, secularism, materialism, agnosticism, hedonism, rationalism and relativism, parents have their work cut out for them. Abortion, reproductive technologies and manipulation, euthanasia, destruction of human life for scientific advancement, rampant pornography and gratuitous violence, all make it seem like we have lost the battle to raise our children Catholic.

Sure if we focus on these destructive influences we could lose hope. So instead we have to stand firm and not be afraid of these influences or the people who have fallen for them and remember we have the truth on our side. We have to study our faith and know it well and lead by our example.

Healthy Christian marriages are the foundation of healthy families; and healthy families are the foundation of society. It is up to us to help restore this understanding by how we live our family life.

To begin with we must be clear that the family; mother, father, and any children(or no children for those who cannot have children) is the basic cell of any society. We must be very clear as to what a family is and what it is meant to be. We have to be able to explain what is the family’s full purpose and we need a profound understanding of God’s plan for the family.

The family is the only true natural institution. It is made by God and ordered to the care of the children. Through living out family life an individual develops and grows towards maturity.

If we look at the purpose of an acorn we can see that an acorn already contains all of the information necessary to form itself into an oak tree. All it needs is for certain conditions to be met, such as the absorption of water, sunlight, and nutrients. In essence, then, an acorn is an oak tree in a state of underdevelopment. The "Oak-tree-ness" is already written within the genetic code of the acorn. The acorn already is an oak tree, and that is how it is able to manifest itself as an oak tree when its conditions (for water, sunlight, and nutrients) are met.

It is the same with the family. The husband and wife are already a family but they have to be developed. The parents need to form the virtues in themselves and in any children they have, so like the acorn their family can reach its full potential.

Our job as parents is not to keep our children busy and amused, nor just to keep them out of trouble and make them behave. The real job of family life is to lead children by example, directed practice, and explanation, so that they grow up to be competent, responsible, considerate men and women who are committed to live by Catholic principles all their lives.

To this end it is imperative that all parents should have a copy of the Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio(On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World) from Pope John Paul II on their bedside and be reading and reflecting on it regularly. It is mandatory reading for all couples. This document opens the mind and heart to what God wants for the family.

It is no accident that Jesus grew up in a family. His public ministry did not arise out of the blue. It was in the hidden and uncelebrated years of family life, growing up in the home of Joseph and Mary, that the foundations of his ministry were laid. We see from the Holy Family’s great example that family love can change the world. We have to have confidence in the love which lies hidden in our own families and its bearing on the future of the world.

All married couples have to have a strong understanding of what the family is and be able to articulate it to their children, their grandchildren and all those around them. Weak thought will lead to weak families. We have to be able to give a rational explanation for our understanding of the family if we expect the family to survive in this age of technology and an overabundance of information. We must know the problems, know the enemy, know the tactics and know the answers.

Our Catholic Faith is one of faith and reason. We must truly understand the dignity of the person, the problems with modern materialism, relativism, new ageism, hedonism etc and be able to explain this simply enough for a child to understand.

If we do not really understand what the role of the family is and what God intended for it, then we float or are blown around by almost every and any cultural breeze that arises. We must be grounded in the truth, be able to explain to our children the rational reasons for the importance of why marriage as permanent, that God is everlasting, and His truths are everlasting. We must show our children how truth cannot change.

Sure it seems like the boat is bouncing on the waves but as long as Jesus is on the boat we do not have to be afraid. But when we take out eyes off Jesus we will sink. We must grow in the faith that all battles have been won. We must continue to pray. We must continue to study our faith and know it well and know the reasons for the truth.

Only the Church stands solidly against these inhumane trends that attack the dignity of the human person and the family. But keep in mind that Jesus is not an “against” type of person. He is a person, he is the incarnate truth, he is incarnate love, he is the way. We must know and revere what the Church teaches so we can live those teachings and share them with others.

Raising a family is an adventure and God designed it to live that way. We cannot lose heart in the strength of the family for then we lose heart in the truth. We have to pray for an ever increasing amount of the virtue of prudence. The Cardinal virtue of Prudence is the virtue that requires us to see things the way God sees them, in reality, and then to act in a manner coherent with that reality. We have to be grounded in reality. If we do not attempt to act in accordance with the truth, we are at risk to be swept away by every modern distortion of the truth.

God is counting on all parents to pass on the faith to our children like the people of Japan did in spite of persecutions. God is counting on all parents to save the world through our hard work and efforts in teaching our children the truth. We cannot let life get us down and give up. We have to just keep getting up and starting again.

Large Family's: God's Blessing

By today's standards, a family with three children is considered to be a large family. A century ago my great grandmother had 24 children, 16 survived into adulthood. Today we are afraid of having children, society tells us it is too expensive and not possible. My husband and I have seven children and we still plan to have many more God willing. It says in 2373 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church "Sacred Scripture and the Church's traditional practice see in large families a sign of God's blessing and the parent's generosity.

Many of our friends have more children than us. One family we know has 8 children, another has 9 children, two have 10 children, two have 11 children, one has 13 children, one has 15 children, and one has 17 children. We all live in the Toronto area, and of these 10 families we have one hundred and eleven children between us as of today. The numbers will change again soon though for we all want more. Believe me, it is one heck of a party when we all get together!

The mothers of these children have all chosen to take on motherhood as their profession and we do it in a very professional way. We do not wish to return to work outside the home for a paycheck so we can escape the boredom of domestic life as recent studies have suggested, and it is quite obvious that our marital bliss has not disappeared with children as other studies have shown. We have been lucky enough to discover many secrets about life and love, which many will unfortunately miss out on.

How do we do it?

First we have to be willing to develop a good prayer life. Parents of large families cannot just be Sunday Catholics. A deep spirituality, daily mass, weekly confession, regular spiritual direction, and the family Rosary daily are some of the ways we get those extra graces we need in order to be able to do it. A great trust in God, and a devotion to the Holy Family makes it all possible.

Then you must remember that most children do not come more than one at a time, occasionally there are twins, but higher is rare. With each child, you begin to develop muscles, and habits, that helps makes you a bit more organized, a bit more patient, a bit more able to take on one more, as long as you keep on trying. Of course if you roll over and play dead at any point along the way and don't keep on top of things, this will seem worse than it really is, but the secret is organization.

The mother needs to be continually working on her organizational skills as the family grows. The mothers actual role is that of "Professional Household Manager." She has to be willing to delegate responsibilities, even to the two year old. She needs to carry a daytimer in her diaper bag and have a clear mission statement for herself and all the family, so that everyone knows their roles and goals. She must have a high standard of principles and have clear and defined rules for the whole family and she must be willing to live simply so that the rest of the family can follow her example. The major tool for her job must be her good example in all areas of life, since example is the best teacher for the children. She must always be continuously learning new skills to improve her work environment.

Books such as "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families" give good examples of how this can be done. It is a lot simpler than it sounds and the parents are developing many virtues in the process so it is good for our character. The effort that the mother must put into her job is no different than any other person puts into their job but hers can be more satisfying for she gets to work with those she loves. With the help of the sacrament of Reconciliation and spiritual direction she can develop the skills she needs.

Raising a large family is not as expensive as one is led to believe. One of my friends who raised 11 children always reminds me that each one is born with a loaf of bread in their back pocket. I have found this to be true. There are so many ways in our society where we can alall learn to live simpler. We can get good clothing at thrift shops, we can shop in bulk and take advantage of sales. It is better for the children to share a bedroom and learn to get along so the house need not be big. We can cut down on Christmas expenses and cut out cable TV, all which are better for the family. We are led to believe it is expensive to live in our society, but we have been misled. We all need to re-examine out spending habits in the sight of God.

Every day can be exciting with a large family, as practically every month has a birthday or an anniversary, some sort of reason to party. My friends with 17 children, most who are married now, said they have so many birthday parties and feast day parties at their home for their children and grandchildren that they are practically always celebrating something. Recently when new neighbours moved in across the street from them, they really wondered about them because of all the partying.

Believe me, it is possible, even in today's society to take such a chance, and to really succeed in raising a large family if one is only willing to try. The lifestyle that we are providing for these one-hundred and eleven children is a lifestyle that will prepare them for today's world. They are learning how to share, how to care, how to work, how to play, how to be responsible, how to be patient, how to get along with others, all very important for the working world they are going to be entering only too soon. The large family is a school within itself.

Having many children is not the curse society has led us to believe it is. It is a challenge, it forces us to grow up and mature, and it teaches us to set priorities and enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

I am also willing to bet that none of my friends who are parents of large families will end up in nursing homes. Odds are at least one of the children will be willing to take us in, if living alone becomes impossible, or we can go visit each one of them for a month or two at a time and they will hardly even notice us. Do not let the old theory that it takes about $100,000 to raise a child in our society scare you off. Rather think of it as having 10 children makes one a millionaire. Sure we are not all called to raise large families, but for those who are, do not let society scare you off.